RAIN DELAYS BALLINGER WAY REOPENING—MOTHER NATURE DECLINES TO COMMENT

In a shocking turn of events absolutely no one could have predicted (except literally every meteorologist this week), the long-awaited reopening of Ballinger Way at 35th Ave NE has been slightly postponed due to what officials are describing as “a mild case of the Pacific Ocean falling from the sky.”

Crews were hoping to celebrate a freshly paved road with a traditional ribbon-cutting ceremony, but the event was called off when the ribbon floated downstream (in reality, they can't pave in the rain which is why the road is still closed).

WSDOT has assured residents that the road will reopen “as soon as possible,” a phrase that in LFP means “whenever ducks stop using it as a runway.”

When asked for comment, Mother Nature could not be reached, but sources close to her say she’s “feeling dramatic” this week.